Shattered
by Leahside
Summary: Shattered and broken, what happen when Sam left Leah


Sam had left me from my cousin Emily; it was like nothing

else in this world had meaning, the storm that was out here in the real world,

it was like it was interpreting my mood and feelings that were running around

inside me. Everything had lost colour and

I was no longer living my life, just merely existing in it. I remember

everything of when he had told me, do you know what it feels like? I thought we

were soul mates. He knew everything about me and said he loved me. Well I guess

that was a big lie huh? Sam had taken my

hands in his, and looked down on me with pain in his eyes I could see it. It

was like I could read his mind. We had always been able to do that, have our

own conversations with only a look or a raised eyebrow. Anyway looking down at

me he whispered "Lee Lee". I squeezed his hands gently "what is it babe? You

know you can tell me anything" I said, I would have said and done anything for

him. He closed his eyes and took a breath letting go of my hands "I .. I can't

be with you" he said. I was shocked, I didn't know where to turn or even what

to say, the silent tears rolled down my cheeks I couldn't even bring myself to

wipe them away. My whole world felt like it had stopped, like somehow it

started to spin in the wrong direction. This isn't how it was supposed to be,

it wasn't even close to how it was ment to be. Sam and I were ment to have

moved away together, he was going to a collage close to La Push, where we could

stay together, and then when I graduated we were going to move away. We had our

whole life planned out together, with those simple words 'I can't be with you'

it all come shattering down around me. Sam reached his hand towards me to wipe

my tears, but I stepped back. I closed my eyes tightly in hopes that this was a

bad dream, but when I opened then again he was still standing there, as his

hand was back down by his side. He tried to step towards me again, this time

more to give me a hug, I put my hand on his chest and held him back "Sam …

don't" I didn't even recognise my own voice. It felt like I had something stuck

in my throat. I swallowed hard forcing

myself to talk around it "you .. " the words got stuck there was nothing that I

could have said. The tears rolling down my cheeks faster I went to walk away,

but just as I turned he grabbed my arm "lee lee stop" he said, I could hear the

pain in his voice. He didn't want to say this anymore then I wanted to hear it.

"I don't want to hurt you" he said. I looked at him then down at his hand that

was still wrapped around my upper arm "then you shouldn't have just shattered

my world" I said as I pulled my arm free of his grip. I couldn't hide the pain that I was feeling,

but I also couldn't stand to be any closer to him then I needed to. He had just

broken and shattered my heart. I closed my eyes taking a breath trying to calm

down it was no use, there was one thing that helped clear my head and that was

run. So that's what I did, I ran. I ran from him, from everything. Nothing would

ever be the same. I ran to the only place I felt safe, to where I knew nobody

would be that was First Beach in La Push.

Sitting there on the far end of the beach, all I could think

was 'it's just me now'. I don't know how

long I sat there for but it was doing me no good. I had to move, if I moved

maybe I could run from the pain. I know how foolish that sounds, 'running from

the pain'. I know what you are all thinking, it doesn't work, and you can't run

from it, you need to face it. But I couldn't then maybe not ever. But right now

I wasn't strong enough; Im 16 for crying out loud. What do you expect? I stood

there and looked out over the water, I could see the storm coming straight for

me, I relished the thought that maybe this storm would wash me away. Take me

with it, away from everything. As I started to run, could feel the storm

getting closer, it started to sprinkle. I

wanted to see it and the best way to see that was to see it from the cliffs. It

was the most amazing view from up there, you could see out to the sea for

miles. So that is where I ran, to the cliffs. The images of Sam and my Cousin

played in my mind as I ran. 'How could they?' I was about half way up the beach

when I started to find it hard to breath, I was crying again. I eventually made

it to the cliff top just as the skies opened up and the storm came in hard and

fast. I could feel it against my skin; I was standing there soaked through. I

lifted my face to the sky and screamed. Not your average run of the mill girly

scream, oh no it was much more than that. It was a toe curling, blood curdling

scream that could be heard from all over La Push. I fell to the ground as the

image of what Sam had just done played through my mind. I was no long me; I was

no longer 'Lee Lee'. I was now as I will always be Leah Clearwaters, a single

solitary person alone in this big world that seemed a lot scarier now that Sam

had gone.

I don't know how long it had been that I had stayed up on

that cliff top. The storm had all but passed when I decided that it was time to

go home. I picked myself up and started to walk home. I didn't know what to say

to mom or dad I couldn't even think of what to tell anyone. I was numb I don't

know if that is because I was soaked or if was my way of dealing with what had

happen with Sam. I walked into the house soaked and dripping wet, I was greeted

at the door by my father. I loved my father, he was my world. He was the best

man that ever walked this planet and I was so proud that he was my father. He

was always there when I needed him, we were close I was always a daddy's girl.

Daddy's little princess he called me, for as long as I could remember he called

me his little princess. As I walked in dad called "hey there …." His thoughts

and words were cut short when he looked over the couch and saw me. He was up in

a heartbeat and over to me, his arms were around me before I could do or say

anything. I was soaked but he didn't care, he didn't even ask what was wrong. I

guess he didn't have too, my face said it all. When he put his arms around me,

it was like I could finally let it out. I started crying harder, I let

everything out I held nothing in it all came out in tears and sobs. He held me

there gently stroking my hair and rubbing my back "shh princess, it will be ok"

he said over and over again. I couldn't say anything back. What was there to

say, my entire world had be ripped apart with a few little words 'I can't be

with you'. I felt my knees go out from

underneath me, I fell to the floor dad came with me, he never let me go not

even for a second "daddy is here princess, it will be ok" he rocked me gently,

like he used to do when I was younger and upset. I nodded softly, and I slowly

started to calm down. I was slowly able to breath properly again. I pulled back

from him slightly, and he gave me that comforting father smile "come on

princess, it's time to get out of these wet clothes". He stood slowly pulling

me with him; I was still crying but nowhere near as bad as I was when I felt my

father's arms around me when I walked through the door.

Dad took me into the bathroom and turned on the shower, he

left me then. I stepped into the shower

fully clothed; I didn't have the strength or the will to even undress. I sat in

the bottom of the shower, my knees pulled up to my chest. The water was running

down my face, I could no longer distinguish between the water and my tears. I

don't know how long I had sat there but there came a knock on the door. It was

Seth, my little brother. He bashed the door a few more times "Leah! Come on

don't use all the hot water again" I heard him call, I couldn't say anything

back I didn't trust my own voice. I managed to reach up and turn the water off,

but still I sat in the bottom of the shower. I heard my mother and father

talking in hushed tones in the kitchen. That's the thing about small houses

with thin walls there are no secretes you can hear everything, even the things

you would rather forget. Mom called up the hall way "Seth leave your sister

alone" I could hear in her voice that dad had told her what had happen, that I

had come home a mess and hadn't said a word. There was another knock on the door,

this time my mother's voice came through "sweetie, its mom. Can you open the

door please" I closed my eyes and stood slowly, I was soaked but at least I was

warm. I got out of the shower slowly and reached towards the door unlocking it.

Mom came in and took one look at me, I was fully clothes and soaked she came in

closing the door behind her. I could see the worry in her eyes and the frown on

her face; it was deep enough to form a crease between her eyebrows. She picked

up a towel and wrapped it around my shoulder's sitting me on the edge of the

bathtub. She put her arm around her and rubbed the top of my arm, I was crying

again. The silent tears fell, I was shaking a little "shh now sweetie" she said

in a small voice, "come on let's get you out of these clothes and into some dry

ones" I nodded slightly as I stood and started taking my wet clothes off, it

was a slow process I didn't have the strength to move and I really didn't care.

Why should I? Sam had left me there was nothing left for me. Once I was wrapped in a towel I made my way

to my room, I sat on the edge of the bed, and looked around. My room was full

of pictures of Sam and me together. In those photos we looked so happy, like

nothing would ever come between us. But something had, my cousin had come

between us.

I lay on my bed still wrapped in my towel, the tears had

stopped. I guess I had run out of them.

I lay there in silence my eyes closed. I hear someone come into my room,

but I couldn't talk or even bring myself to say what had happen out loud. The

words 'I can't be with you' playing in my mind. I could smell my father's

cologne, he came and sat on my bed it shifted a little as he sat down. He

placed his hand on my shoulder and rubbed my upper arm as mom had done in the

bathroom. I opened my eyes a little and looked up at him, I met his eyes

"princess, what happen?" there was the question I had been dreading since I

walked inside. I couldn't hide it any longer, but I couldn't bring myself to

say it out loud, if I did it would mean that it was true, that I had lost Sam

for good. I shook my head and closed my eyes "I can't.." I whispered, my voice

coming out crackly. He looked down at me "princess, come on. You said you can

tell me anything" I had said that, my dad was my best friend. I told him

everything; I couldn't hide things from him. It only took him to look at me to

be able to tell when I was lying and when I was being honest. I opened my eyes

and looked up at him, "Sam … we … not together" that was all that I could say.

What else was there to say really? My reason for living had left me it had been

me and Sam for so long. He was the one person I could always count on no matter

what, and now he was gone. My father's arms went around me he pulled me into

his lap and started rocking back and forth gently, rubbing my back and kisses

my hair. He didn't say anything he just held me I guess he came to the same

conclusion I had. There was nothing to say, nothing that could be said.

I don't know how long Dad had sat there with me in his arms,

but I eventually fell asleep. The image of Sam never left me, not even when I

was asleep. In fact it got worse, it played over and over. There we stood, hand

in hand the words ringing in my ears 'I can't be with you'. No matter what I

tried to change, he still walked away. My dreams started to swirl, I was

sitting on the beach in the arms of Sam, we were happy. It was like I was

hovering over watching Sam and I below, everything was unfolding like a fairy

tale. We were laughing and talking, wrapped in each other's arms watching as

the sun set. I caught myself getting wrapped in the moment, in the memories. I

turned around; I didn't want to see I didn't want to remember how happy we were

back then. It hurt too much never again

did I ever want to see his face. Not in my dreams not ever. I felt it all start

spinning again, I wanted to wake up but I couldn't. Something was holding me in

the dreams like there was something I needed to see. No matter what I tried nothing

stopped the next image from settling in front of me. The first day we met,

everything every detail it played out.

It was my first day at school, and I was late. I had taken a

short cut through the forest; one I had taken a hundred times before. There was

a boy walking through the forest, he caught my eye and I slowed my pace. I

couldn't take my eyes from him. He was tall with the same long black hair that

most of the boys around La Push shared. I couldn't stop the smile that appeared

on my face as he turned and smiled at me. We both started to run again matching

step for step, I don't know what drove me to do what I did next but I picked up

the pace. The smile growing a little

more as I pulled ahead of him, we both got on the school grounds as the final

bell rang. I looked over but he had gone, I frowned a little as went into my

home room and met up with my friends. The first half of the day went slow. I couldn't get him out of my mind. Who was

he? Why hadn't I seen him before now? Has he always lived in La Push? By the time Lunch came around he was all I

could think about. The way he looked when he smiled, the way he ran the way his

hair bounced off his back as he jumped over the roots of the trees. As I sat

with my friends I looked around hoping that I could see him, and finally find

out his name. There he was, the stranger

from this morning, the smile once again coming back to my face, my eyes lit up.

It was him, it was really him. I looked back at my friends but they failed to notice,

I looked back over at him. He was looking right at me I smiled and lifted my

hand waving ever so slightly. His smile turned to a grin as he nodded motioning

for me to go to him. I looked at my friends leaning in slightly "I will be

right back" I smiled, stood up and walked towards him.

The same smile that had appeared when I had seen him this

morning came once again to settle upon my face. Once I had reached him I

stopped, he smiled lazily "hey" he said. I looked up at him, he was so much

taller then I remember. The smile growing just a little more hearing his voice,

it was deep and commanding "hey" I said barely above a whisper. This was what I

had been after all day, but now it was here I was nervous. His smile kept

catching my eye, there was something about it, someone mesmerising. He looked

into my eyes and leaned in ever so lightly "I'm Sam" he said in his deep voice.

I looked up at him, "I'm Leah" he nodded once and smiled, "well it is nice to

finally know the name of someone who can beat me in a race" he laughed. I

laughed softly looking up at him "It is nice to know the name of the one who

was so easily beaten" I said jokingly making him laugh. His laughter ringing in my ears; it was the

best thing that I had ever heard. I couldn't help but laugh with him. His laugh

was infectious, as was his smile. The final bell rang and he looked at me "meet

me here after school" I smile and nodded "Il see you then" he nodded once and

then was gone. The rest of the day was once again passing in a blur. Sam, I

said over and over against to myself, that was his name. The name of the boy

who was so mysterious, the boy who without even trying had me hooked.

I sat in my final class, the bell rang and I was up and out

the door. I didn't even stop to say goodbye to my friends. I stopped by my

locker and put my books back in, only getting the ones I had homework for, and

went out to meet him. I walked out towards the back of the school, there he

was. Sam, standing there looking as cute as he ever has, his shirt was

unbuttoned, his school bag over his shoulder. Walking over to him the same nervousness

starts to take me over. He walked towards me just as he went to say hello,

everything around me started to swirl again. I was a little sad to see this

end, this was the happiest day I ever remember happening and once again it was

over. The words 'I can't be with you' rang in my ears.

I could feel my body again, that was when I knew

that I was waking up, it was the end of the dreams and the memories. Opening my

eyes slowly I looked around, everything was the same, the photos were still

hanging in my room, and the pain in my chest was still there. I knew it wasn't a

dream what had caused all this was real. Sam had left me, and he had left me

for my cousin. I sat up slowly, my

pillow soaked in tears, I wiped my eyes and my cheeks, they were still warm, and

my eyes were stinging. I could still hear the words 'I can't be with you' it

was like they were burned into my brain, into my ears. Would this feeling ever

leave me? Would my life ever go back to how it was before all this? I sat on

the edge of my bed, still wrapped in only my towel and shook my head. I was never

going to be the same again. Sam had changed me, I was no longer me I was a

shell of a person. Maybe one day I will be whole again but there will always be

the scar in my heart that part that had belong to him to completely. He had

taken that with him when he had left. From the second I saw him I knew he would

be the person who changed my life so completely, I just never thought that it

would end this way, or even at all. But now that it had happen I had to find

the strength to move on to live with the part of my heart that was missing, and

find the peace in the chaos that was now my heart , mind, soul and my life


End file.
